Venus is in retrograde, and we all know what that means--relationships, work shit and "art" (if you're looking at it, making it, what have you) is gonna be all kinds of fucked up until April 17th. For me it's been a non stop good/news bad news type...life? For almost two weeks now.
I'm the kind of girl who changes a job and moves at the same time. I ask the Universe over and over for peace, and when I get it, I'm bored and demand chaos. I like distractions. And I like all the shit I do when I'm too distracted over being pulled in a million places to worry about what I should do. I don't make the best decisions, but they tend to be the most fun.
I'm moving in with Enrique, a sentiment summed up by the name of our to-be housewarming party, "Your Best Looking Friends in One Convenient Location." Midtown West, 45th Street, an Astor Building, BEAUTIFUL. It's perfect. I put in my application before I'd even seen it; being for some reason incredibly confident in Enrique's capabilities to be prissy enough to choose something that would work for both of us. DISHWASHER! We signed the lease today. He'll move the first and I'll move closer to the middle of the month since they didn't rerent my apartment until May. It's a jem, and if we can keep open communication (like we're having now about whose furniture is staying and whose is going and how to inventory stuff and all that kind of married people type bullshit) it'll probably end up being ok.
The job is...I mean it is what it is. We're being audited next month by FINRA and I spent most of last week in tears crying over the impeding stress, pressure and regretting all the time I'd wanted to get shit done that needed to get done and didn't for whatever reason. And because I couldn't quit when I wanted to. It's been like slowly pulling off a band-aid since DudeBoss hasn't been in, and I felt weird breaking up with him over the phone. Wikipedia, in the mean time, has inspired me greatly and made me feel far less nervous about the whole affair--but there will be nerves until I feel like we're actually rolling like a real company. Of course.
Somehow, apparenly, DudeBoss found out that I'm quitting and asked our COO, who told him yes. I have no idea when or how it happened, and obviously it makes me feel incredibly weird. It makes me feel guilty that maybe I'm not working hard enough, or maybe he's disappointed in me. It's like when you go to break up with someone and they do it first--now you don't really feel as good about it even though you're getting exactly what you wanted.
So tomorrow I have to go in, tell him I know he knows, and....see what conversation that is. I hope he's not mad. I'm just going to be as honest as I can be. Our COO doesn't have time to worry about me what with the audit, I just...
you know, it's good news/bad news. The apartment thing bad news is some interpersonal friend drama, not worth repeating here. The days I've spent aggitated about it are not going to ruin my excitement about it. I get what I want about not having to stay around, but it's at the cost of feeling like I'm going out being viewed as a failure by the person I spent so much time trying to please.
It is what it is! Fucking Venus retrograde.
In the mean time, Britney fucking Spears featuring Pussyfuckingcat Dolls on Friday was absolutely beyond amazing. She didn't really sing, she didn't really dance, but it was a spectacle and a half and we had a great time.
So that's been my days. These are the days of our lives. They're motherfucking crazy.
I have a date tonight.
First once since...November ish? And oh, that lovely familiar feeling of dread is coming back, especially since it's scheduled on a Monday on what turned into being one of the snowiest days all year (what point in the trek I'm going to change from fUggs to heels I haven't decided yet).
I hope I haven't forgotten how to do it. He's a web developer that lives and works on the UWS (works for himself out of his apartment) (sound familiar). He's handsome in an extremely friendly Jewish kind of way that reminds me of the kid I had a crush on all through high school that worked at the comic book store kind of way (the long, tight brown curls for one), very earnest and nice and thorough. Our emails back and forth have been pretty good.
He's probably a little too old for me (36) but has that going for him in that respect-- probably won't be a game player, has his shit together, is very straightforward with me. And he hasn't mentioned it yet so I'm not about to fret over it yet either. Also he chose ME (this'll only be the second time I've gone out with someone who messaged me first, the first one being TA. Although we know how that worked out, to be fair, TA liked me instantly, which I could use a little bit of right now. Especially since I looked in the mirror earlier and thought, "My face looks stupid today." What the hell kind of a thought is that? I have no idea).
So I'm gonna venture out of my comfort zone. To Union Square. I mentioned the dread, right? And I have to sit around here for more than an hour until I can leave for the meetup. I will get absolutely nothing productive done, hence this entry. Tick tick tick. Ugh. At some point I'll probably look at his profile again and try to make a list of some talking points in my head. Am I the only one who watches TV and tries to remember things characters say to one another, thinking "oh THAT'S how people talk?" Because I do. Frequently. And when that fails, I just try to prepare extensively in advance.
Had a really low key weekend--a lot of just hanging out with me myself and I. Cataloging apartments--Josh (He's Just Not That Into You) and I have decided to move in together so we can both save some money (although as a corporate lawyer he's just going to save an obscene amount of money, like, far more than necessary. I know this already). I'm excited! He's excited! I've been kind of toying with the fun idea of having another roommate, and someone as...well, anyone watching Nip/Tuck this season? I am the Liz to his Christian Troy. We've got such a bizarro relationship--but he is thoughtful and funny so I can't imagine it going TERRIBLY wrong. Butttttt that means that apartment finding neurosis is back into serious swing. We've decided to look both in Queens and BK so I'm going to have to spend a little time in Brooklyn figuring out which neighborhoods and stops off the train are actually livable and safe irrespective of the cheap cheap gut renos that might beckon to us.
Tried to call the apartment company today to tell them (I haven't signed the new lease yet so I'm hoping they'll accept my 60 day notice and go quietly into the night. I doubt they will, but they sent the new lease 3 weeks late. You invited disaster!) and I suppose I'll have to think about subleasing if that doesn't work. Wikipedia's contract dolla dolla bills have come in and I've about had it with this place, which means depending on how the phone call goes tomorrow (thus setting the tone for what I feel to be this whole moment in life where every god damned thing is being shaken up) I'll begin to craft a very serious timeline for my departure.
The Internet is slow today. All you assholes got snowdays--I sludged in anyway. Although had a remarkably warm shower this morning. Almost disconcertingly warm after weeks of lukewarm sadness.
Excuse me, I have a pool of irritation/nerves in my stomach I have to attend to.
